he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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