Pappa wants mamma naked
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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