I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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