Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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