He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
