it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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