I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're a waste of cheezeits
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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