I love black thongs
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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