I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
