He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Houston, we have a blender
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
