I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
