his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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