At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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