you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
