She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
