I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
