My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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