**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
