Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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