Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
