it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
