Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
