I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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