Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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