I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
