would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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