Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
