I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
