I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
