It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
