Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
