She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
