it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize