in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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