I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
