Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
