I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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