You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
