The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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