I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize