Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
