i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so let's talk penis.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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