i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
