Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize