just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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