Please, let me fuck your mom
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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