I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize