Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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