you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
