video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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