i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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