either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
