That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
