I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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