:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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