hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
