i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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