Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
