Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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