I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i would one night stand the shit outta him
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
