the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
