Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize