At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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