he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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