so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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