thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize