dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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