Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
