I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
