5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
