True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize