he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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