ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize