you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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