Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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