We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
