I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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